Regrets Read online

  Regrets

  nicole dykes

  Copyright © 2020 by Nicole Dykes

  All rights reserved.

  No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means, including information storage and retrieval systems, without written permission from the author, except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.

  Created with Vellum

  Contents

  Playlist

  1. Linc

  2. Linc

  3. Penelope

  4. Penelope

  5. Linc

  6. Penelope

  7. Penelope

  8. Linc

  9. Linc

  10. Penelope

  11. Linc

  12. Penelope

  13. Penelope

  14. Linc

  15. Penelope

  16. Linc

  17. Linc

  18. Penelope

  19. Penelope

  20. Linc

  21. Linc

  22. Penelope

  23. Linc

  24. Penelope

  25. Linc

  26. Linc

  27. Penelope

  28. Penelope

  29. Penelope

  30. Linc

  31. Penelope

  32. Penelope

  33. Linc

  34. Penelope

  35. Linc

  36. Penelope

  37. Linc

  38. Penelope

  39. Penelope

  40. Linc

  41. Penelope

  42. Linc

  43. Linc

  44. Penelope

  45. Linc

  46. Linc

  Epilogue

  Note from the Author

  Sneak Peek

  Sample of Standstill

  Prologue

  Run

  Snow Patrol

  Still Alright

  Adam Merrin

  Shake It Out

  Florence + The Machine

  Spirits

  The Stumbellas

  Don’t Look Back In Anger

  Oasis

  In Too Deep

  Sum 41

  Apologize

  OneRepublic

  Stuck In A Moment You Can’t Get Out Of

  U2

  Thnks fr th Mmrs

  Fall Out Boy

  Helena (So Long & Goodnight)

  My Chemical Romance

  The Kill

  Thirty Seconds To Mars

  Face Down (Alliance Edition)

  The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus

  Somewhere Only We Know

  Keane

  So Far Away

  Avenged Sevenfold

  Back Against the Wall

  Cage The Elephant

  Little Lion Man

  Mumford & Sons

  Hallelujah

  Jeff Buckley

  Stop Crying Your Heart Out

  Oasis

  *Please note, I don’t own the rights to any of these songs. I just created this playlist to listen to while I wrote the book and feel a strong connection between these songs and this story.

  “God, you’re so sexy. I love the ink.”

  Please shut up. Her voice is fucking cringeworthy, and I can already tell that keeping my dick hard is going to be a chore. Maybe I could gag her.

  The blond currently straddling me lifts off her dress, tossing it to the side and showing me a decent pair of tits which could be worth the godawful commentary.

  My hands move up her sides slowly before cupping her tits in my hands and squeezing slightly. Her head falls back, and she moans while rubbing herself against my cock.

  There we go. That’s what I need. Just shut the fuck up.

  Her hands slide over my bare torso, her fingernails digging into my skin but not deep enough.

  Come on. Draw blood.

  “Wow, that view is absolutely incredible.”

  Fucking really?

  The house I’m renting—okay, my parents are renting—while I’m in college isn’t a typical college house near campus. It’s located on the outskirts of town on the lake. And I mean, right on the lake. My large bedroom window looks out on the sparkling lake surrounded by trees.

  I flip the chick over so she’s under me and pull my pants down, just wanting to get this shit over with at this point. I kick my jeans off all the way and reach for a condom in the table next to my bed. She lays under me in only her pink, silky panties.

  I briefly wonder what’s going on in her head. What makes a girl like her go home with a guy she just met at a party? She’s intelligent enough, at least she’s currently going to college. Although, book smarts certainly don’t equal street smarts.

  “Oh fuck, baby. You’re so fucking hot for me aren’t you?”

  God damn it, P. The manly growl came from one bedroom over.

  The girl below me sits up on her elbows, her large, doe-eyes widening even more. “What was that?”

  A loud, feminine moan floats through the thin wall, “Don’t stop. Right fucking there.” Then, the unmistakable sound of the headboard banging against the wall follows.

  “That would be my roommate getting laid.”

  The sounds grow louder, and the girl I’m with seems to be listening intently, her ear turned toward the wall. “Well, it sounds like he’s not too bad at what he does.” Her hand slides up over my stomach. “Let’s hope his roommate knows what he’s doing too.”

  I place my hand on her shoulder, urging her to lay back down, and she does. “She. And she has never fucking known what she’s doing.” I lean forward slightly. “And I don’t like to be questioned.”

  She looks puzzled. “She?”

  “Yup.” I’m really fucking tired of this chick. I’m not sure what the fuck I was thinking. She didn’t stop talking the entire drive back to my house. I should have dumped her ass before we got away from campus.

  Now, her confusion just continues to brew, and she still can’t shut the fuck up. “You live with a woman?”

  I grip the thin straps of her panties. “I don’t want to talk about my roommate.” I don’t want to talk at all.

  But apparently, she can’t give me what I want and just keeps going. “Are you sure she’s just a roommate? I’ve never heard of a guy and girl living together and not fucking.”

  “And who says we’re not?”

  The girl covers herself with her hands as she looks up at me, now looking less curious and more horrified. “What is this? Some kind of weird orgy thing?”

  Christ. I sit up and pick her dress up from the floor, handing it to her. “You should just go.”

  “What?” She sits up, clutching the dress to her chest, her face full of shock. “You want me to leave because I asked a damn question?”

  If fucking only it was one question. “Questions. You asked many questions, and I’m not here to talk. You want a boyfriend, run back to campus and find yourself a nice tech major.”

  “You’re a dick.”

  The girl stands up, slipping back into her dress and sandals, grabbing her purse before slamming the door behind her.

  I’m sure an Uber will get her back to campus where she belongs.

  I look at the wall my bed is pressed up against, listening to the constant thump, thump, thump, coming from the other side.

  Fuck this. I pound a quick fist to the wall, annoyed and beyond pissed-off, before I pull on a pair of black sweats and walk out to the grand living room of the lake house and take a seat on the sofa.

  Moments later, I see a shadowy figure slink out the front door and another I’m familiar with standing in front of me.

  Penelope is wearing only a plain, black tee, thin from years of wear. And although it’s too large for her, when I lift my head, I see smooth, tanned thi
ghs in front of me. I look up as she pulls her disheveled dark hair up into a ponytail.

  “What the fuck’s your problem? You almost fucked up my orgasm with that loud banging on the wall. Scared the hell out of me.”

  “Good.” I lock my cold eyes on her blue ones. “You fucked up my sure thing.”

  “And how, exactly, did I do that?” She folds her arms across her chest, pulling the tee up slightly, revealing more of her shapely legs. “Sounds more like that had to do with your sparkling personality, Linc.”

  I sit up, my hands gripping her ass as I pull her to me. “She asked too many fucking questions. And you and whoever-the-fuck were busy making the world’s cheesiest porno. It was a real boner killer, P.”

  She doesn’t pull away from me, her hands resting on my bare shoulders. “Don’t get pissed at me because you had a talker and I had a doer.”

  I lean back against the back of the couch, taking her with me, her strong thighs straddling my lap, my hands holding onto her hips as my chin tips up to look at her. “The way I see it, you owe me an orgasm.”

  Her hands move to my hair, sliding her fingers through the styled brown locks before they slide down the trimmed beard over my jaw. Her face dips down, her full, red lips hovering above my own, her blue eyes full of something sinister, something that’s been there for years, festering under the surface. “You’re right.” That’s odd. She never doesn’t fight back. Her voice is a soft whisper. “I’ll be right back.”

  My hands slide under her shirt, my fingers burying into the flesh of her slender hips. “I think we have everything we need right here.”

  She shakes her head, pushing my hands away as she climbs off me. “Not quite.”

  She leaves the room, leaving my heart to thunder in my chest and my mind to race. What the hell could she be getting? Sexy lingerie? Toys? Lube?

  She walks back into the room, having my curiosity ramped up until she tosses me a bottle of lotion and a box of tissues. What the fuck? “That should do it.” She blows me a kiss and leaves.

  Bitch.

  I growl, throwing the lotion and tissues away from me.

  Penelope fucking Jones. It’s my fault she’s here to torture me.

  Why the hell did I decide to slum it on the wrong side of the tracks all those years ago?

  Ten Years Ago

  “Come on, Linc. Mom’s going to be so mad at us.”

  I roll my eyes at my younger brother. Why does he have to be so good all the time? It’s nauseating. “Mom will be fine.”

  I climb out of the back of the car, telling our driver we’ll be right back.

  The guy looks slightly nervous, knowing my parents will be furious if they find out he took us across the tracks to the far less groomed part of Kansas City. Okay, so they would be horrified.

  I’m tired of the same fancy large houses, the private school that requires a tie and blazer. I’m sick of it all, and I’m only eleven.

  I turn to look at my brother, who’s still plastered in his seat. “You coming or not?”

  Colt turns to look at me, his bright blue eyes actually coming to life with anger. Huh, who knew Mommy and Daddy’s little pet had that in him. “Fine.”

  He climbs out, and I slam the door shut, clutching the basketball under my arm as we walk down to the park’s only basketball court, if you can even call it that. There are only a few white lines on the dingy ground, and even they are faded. The nets are frayed and brown with dirt and age.

  Colt looks around at the kids running around, loud and out of control, and my poor kid brother looks horrified. It’s chaos we aren’t used to. The children we’ve been around have always been so refined and well-behaved.

  I nudge his shoulder. “Come on.”

  I start toward a large group of kids who look around our age. “You guys interested in a game?”

  One of the bigger ones, a boy with sandy brown hair and thirty pounds on me, gets right in my face, looking down at the ball tucked under my arm. “You don’t belong here, pretty boy.”

  My lip snarls, not caring that he’s bigger than me. I’ve always liked a challenge. “Says who, you ugly fucker?”

  Colt looks annoyed by my use of bad language. Honestly, I’ve never said the word out loud before, but I’ve heard it plenty from my dad.

  “Tommy, leave them alone.” My head swivels toward the sweet voice. A little brunette girl walks up to us. Her jeans are tattered, and she’s wearing a black t-shirt that’s way too big for her small body. Her face is angelic, like a porcelain doll with piercing, dark blue eyes and thick brown eyebrows matching her long, dark hair. Her lips are bright red, but it’s natural. She’s too young to wear that make-up goop my mom and older sister wear.

  “And who are you?” My eyes stay focused on the girl.

  I feel Colt’s hand on my arm. “Linc, we should go.”

  I ignore him, looking at the girl. “I’m Penelope. You’re Linc?”

  Penelope? That’s a strange name. Not one I’ve heard before. I nod my head. “Lincoln Sterling.”

  She turns to my brother. “And you?”

  Colt seems to relax now as he stares at the girl. “Colt Sterling.”

  She smiles sweetly, tucking her long hair behind her ear. Of course she likes him more than me. That’s the way it always is with Colt and me. Everyone always likes him best. He’s the good one and I’m the bad.

  “You want to come to dinner at our house?”

  I turn to my brother after his invitation to the girl is already extended. “What are you doing?”

  The girl looks over at us shyly but not scared in the slightest. “Dinner?”

  “You’re not going anywhere with rich kids we don’t know, Penelope.” The ugly kid from earlier, Tommy, steps in front of her.

  “You her keeper?” I puff out my scrawny chest, having no chance against the much larger kid.

  I see Penelope’s small hand on his arm as she pushes him out of the way, her eyes on Colt. “Where do you live?”

  He answers her far more honestly than I would have. “Mission Hills.” We live in one of the richest parts of Kansas City.

  Her eyes grow bigger. Even as young as we are, the name Mission Hills has a notoriety everyone around here knows.

  I shrug. “It’s no big deal. Our driver can take you to wherever you need to be after dinner.”

  She’s thinking it over, and I’m certain she’s going to turn us down. We’re complete strangers. Surely her parents have warned her about stranger danger. “Okay.”

  Wow. This girl is fearless. I like her already.

  She starts to walk with us, leaving her friends behind, and I nudge Colt, whispering quietly near his ear. “What about Mom and Dad getting mad?”

  He doesn’t seem too worried about that now. His shoulders shrug. “I like her.”

  Penelope smiles as we all climb into the back seat of the town car. Our driver, Tim, looks into the back. “Who’s this?”

  “This is Penelope. Take us home,” I answer, not offering an explanation, knowing I don’t owe him one.

  “I’m not taking a kid I don’t know.”

  “She’s a friend. We just had to pick her up for dinner. Right, Colt?” I turn to look at my brother with Penelope between us. Tim won’t believe me, but Colt?

  Colt doesn’t lie, and everyone knows it. He looks slightly unsure but then gives a nod. “Yes. That’s right.”

  Tim looks at him, unsure but then starts the car, driving out of the crummy neighborhood.

  Colt must really like her. This is the only time I know of in his nine years that he’s ever lied.

  “Penelope is a weird name.”

  Colt glares at me after my observation, and the girl shyly brushes her brown hair out of her eyes. “My parents are weird.”

  “What are they like?” I pry.

  Her tiny shoulders shrug. “I don’t know. I haven’t seen them for a long time.”

  Colt’s blue eyes meet mine in mutual confusion. “You haven’t?” I
’m the only one rude enough to ask.

  She shakes her head. “No. I live in a group home with other foster kids. I haven’t seen my mom in years and never met my dad.”

  I’d never heard of that before. Not living with your parents? At least some of the time? This girl is different for sure.

  “I don’t think it fits you. You don’t look old enough to be a Penelope.”

  Colt’s eyes glare in my direction. “Don’t be mean.”

  I shrug my shoulders. “I’m not.” I meet Penelope’s eyes. “I’m going to call you ‘P.’ Just the first letter. That works better.”

  Colt rolls his eyes, but the girl actually smiles. “I like that.”

  “I think it’s more like ‘Pea.’ Like sweet pea,” Colt says as he gives her a goofy smile.

  Gross.

  She smiles at that, playing with her hair. “I like that too.”

  I’m annoyed as we pull up to our house, both of us opening our doors and offering for P to climb out. She looks at us both and then climbs out on Colt’s side, following him up the walk to the front door.