Reconcile Read online

  Reconcile

  nicole dykes

  Contents

  Untitled

  Playlist

  1. Sawyer

  2. Sawyer

  3. Sawyer

  4. Piper

  5. Piper

  6. Piper

  7. Piper

  8. Sawyer

  9. Piper

  10. Sawyer

  11. Sawyer

  12. Piper

  13. Sawyer

  14. Sawyer

  15. Piper

  16. Sawyer

  17. Piper

  18. Sawyer

  19. Sawyer

  20. Piper

  21. Sawyer

  22. Piper

  23. Sawyer

  24. Piper

  25. Sawyer

  26. Piper

  27. Piper

  28. Sawyer

  29. Piper

  30. Sawyer

  31. Piper

  32. Sawyer

  33. Sawyer

  34. Piper

  35. Piper

  36. Sawyer

  37. Sawyer

  38. Piper

  39. Sawyer

  40. Piper

  41. Piper

  42. Sawyer

  43. Piper

  Epilogue

  Note from the Author

  Peek at Regrets

  Also by nicole dykes

  Untitled

  Reconcile

  By Nicole Dykes

  Read My Mind

  The Killers

  Look After You

  The Fray

  F*UCK YOU, GOODBYE

  The Kid LAROI (feat. Machine Gun Kelly)

  Now & Then

  Lily Kershaw

  forget me too

  Machine Gun Kelly (feat. Halsey)

  Let It Go

  James Bay

  Leave Out All The Rest

  Linkin Park

  All These Things I Hate (Revolve Around Me)

  Bullet For My Valentine

  Goodbye

  Secondhand Serenade

  I Won’t Give Up

  Jason Mraz

  Iris

  The Goo Goo Dolls

  Man Overboard

  blink-182

  SO DONE

  The Kid LAROI

  I Fell In Love With The Devil

  Avril Lavigne

  My brother sits across from me in the fancy restaurant where we’re having lunch, dressed nicely in his button-down dress shirt and perfectly tailored slacks. But I’m in a suit and tie, determined not to be the baby of the family and to have Cole see me as the man I fucking am.

  Of course, Cole isn’t really one to give a damn what I’m wearing.

  “You look good, little brother. All grown up.”

  Okay, scratch that. I guess he does.

  “Right. Thanks.” I take a drink from my scotch and feel his eyes tracking me. I lift my eyebrow in annoyance. “What?”

  “It’s a little early for scotch, isn’t it?”

  I resist the urge to roll my eyes because Cole is the closest thing to an ally I have in my family. “Not really. You should try it. I find it makes the day go by much faster.”

  His lips purse as he takes a drink of his water, his gold wedding band catching my eye. Cole is married. He’s the only one of the four of us I expect ever will be.

  I put my drink down and nod toward his ring. “So, Oliver is still putting up with you?”

  His lips turn up as he looks contentedly at his ring. “Of course. How could he resist?”

  There’s that Ross family arrogance.

  “That would be impossible.”

  Our food is placed before us, but before I can dig in, my brother grows serious. “You shouldn’t be working for Lincoln Sterling. You should be working with us.”

  Us.

  My stomach sours, thinking about my oldest brother, Spencer. That motherfucker. I don’t know if it’s the ten years between us or if everyone is right when they say we’re too much alike, but we’ve never gotten along.

  “No.” I say simply as I take a bite and chew, not offering more.

  Cole has always been in between us and not just by age. For whatever reason, he’s tried to be the peacekeeper, but it doesn’t work. Our sister, Samantha, couldn’t give a fuck, but Cole cares.

  “Just no?”

  “Just. No.” I shrug my shoulders, silently hoping he’ll let it drop as I take another drink of my scotch.

  He watches me, not moving, and I see the familiar disappointment in his eyes as he sighs heavily, “Spencer has changed, Sawyer. A lot.”

  I snort and put my drink back down. “You really don’t have to bullshit me. It wouldn’t matter to me if he has. I like working for Linc.”

  “You’re a Ross, not a Sterling.”

  My shoulders straighten as I look into his eyes, knowing it hurts him. The truth is, I never wanted to be a Ross. Our father is a complete asshole, and so is Spencer. Cole is serious but kind, but he’s still way too serious. So is Samantha. And our mother.

  I never fit in with them. Always laughing and joking around. Being totally inappropriate and embarrassing the family name.

  When I befriended Asher Sterling at a young age, something fit. And it’s not at all that his family wasn’t like mine. In fact, our fathers are good friends.

  But instead of worshipping their father, Ash and Linc hate him.

  The Sterlings have their darkness, but the Rosses are plain blackness. Ruthless and wicked.

  Cole sits stiffly. “Our father has no spot in our business. None. It’s only us.”

  I don’t tell him it’s exactly the same thing because Cole and Spencer may as well be my father when it comes to business. Cutthroat.

  “I’m here because you asked me to lunch. To catch up. Not so you could try to lure me to the dark side.”

  He snorts this time and shakes his head. “You think we’re darker than the Sterlings?”

  I know they are. Lincoln is a surly motherfucker, but he has a heart. Especially now that he’s pussy-whipped.

  “Next topic,” I try. “How’s my nephew and niece?”

  He cocks his head to the side and then shakes it off. “Growing fast. You haven’t seen them since they were in diapers.”

  “They aren’t anymore?”

  His eyes roll with irritation, and I smile. They’re ten and eight. I know they’re out of diapers, but it’s still fun to fuck with my brother. “No, asshole. And they ask about you sometimes.”

  I swallow, trying to suppress my guilt. I’ve never liked kids. When Cole and Oliver announced they were adopting the first time, I cringed. When they adopted their second child, I told them I’d pray for them if I prayed. They weren’t amused.

  And I’d held strong on the whole not liking kids thing until I met Sebastian, or Baz as we call him. I smile, thinking about that little shit. The kid of Vivienne Crenshaw—now Sterling. She and I had a thing a couple of years ago before Asher and she finally got it together and got married.

  They were the ones who were in love, but I wanted so fucking desperately to feel something—anything—for another human.

  In the end, Asher got the girl, and rightfully so. But Baz . . . That kid nestled himself in my black heart. I couldn’t resist his playful spirit and cuteness. He couldn’t pronounce my name and ended up calling me ‘Swearer,’ which is all too fucking fitting since I can’t, for the life of me, clean up my language even around the kid.

  But I try.

  Thankfully, I live pretty close to Ash, Viv, and Baz’s house. And for whatever reason, they trust me to hang out with them and the kid. I almost fucked up the only true friendship I had with Asher, but somehow I got a family.

  “I’m sorry I haven’t been around.”

  �
�You’ve been too busy playing Sterling.”

  My gaze hardens. “Watch it. They’ve been the only family I’ve had.”

  “And whose fault is that?”

  I place my napkin on the table, tired of this lunch. “I just remembered I have an errand.”

  “Don’t leave. Just think about it, okay? Even Samantha works there now. It’s a family business, but it’s missing one link.”

  I roll my eyes and stand, buttoning my suit jacket. “Yeah well, I heard you acquired a Ward.”

  His eyes flicker with recognition as he stands, placing his napkin on the table. “Piper is my friend.”

  I laugh because that’s ridiculous. “Piper left town right after graduation. No fucking way you two were friends.”

  “We are now.”

  I step closer to him. “When she started working for you?”

  “Before. I offered her the job. She’s well-qualified, and she’s changed a hell of a lot too.”

  I don’t want to talk about Piper. I don’t want to think about Piper. Or the fact that she works for my family.

  For Spencer.

  “I need to go.”

  He looks down at the floor, and then, taking a deep breath and releasing it, he looks back at me. “You should come by. See what you could claim. It’s rightfully yours too.”

  “I don’t want anything to do with it.”

  “So, maybe you need some closure, little brother.” I look into his eyes, seeing the concern there. “And I think she does too.”

  Piper.

  “No.” I toss a hundred on the table and turn to leave.

  “Think about it,” is all I hear as I leave to claim my car from the valet. Hopping behind the wheel, I head toward my house. The house bought and paid for with Ross money.

  I’d love to say I did it all on my own, but it’s all bullshit.

  I was born a Ross, and I’ll die a Ross.

  Ten years old

  Ugh! I don’t want to go to my French lesson. I’m dragging my feet down the hall of my fancy private school with my backpack straining my muscles because it’s so full that I’m hunched over.

  But all Rosses must learn a minimum of five languages by the time they’re in high school. Because that’s an actual thing in my world.

  All because of my last name.

  I walk as slowly as I can toward the exit when I see Piper by her locker. I like Piper. She’s pretty cool for a girl. I mean, she’s quiet for the most part, but she’s okay. She’s stuffing books into her backpack on the ground when I walk up to her. “Hey, Piper.”

  Her brown eyes meet mine, and then she goes back to putting her books in her bag. “Hi, Sawyer. I’m in a hurry.”

  I look down at her white tennis shoes and smile, seeing a sliver of orange on them. Our shoes are supposed to be solid white. Navy blazer and khaki slacks for the boys. Plaid skirt with white shoes for the girls. But Piper is a rebel. If a teacher happens to see it, she’ll get a red slip sent home with her. “Yeah, um . . . Me too. Or I’m supposed to be.”

  “Yeah.” She stands up, closing her locker and slinging her backpack over her shoulder. “I have piano and then ballet.”

  Jeez. “You ever wish we could just go to the park or something after school?”

  Her small nose scrunches as she thinks it over. “I don’t know.”

  “Right. You wanna skip it together?”

  She smiles at that and shakes her head, her long brown hair falling over her shoulders as she does. “I can’t. My mom will kill me.”

  “You ever wish you weren’t a Ward?”

  I wish I wasn’t a Ross most of the time and wonder if my friends feel the same way. When I asked him, my friend Asher Sterling just shoved me and told me not to think about dumb things. Piper seems to be thinking it over. “Yes,” she says so quietly I almost miss it. “But my mother says it’s a privilege.”

  I nod. “Yeah. Sounds like my mom.”

  “I really have to go.” She starts to leave, but I reach out for her arm, and she turns back toward me.

  “What would we do if we weren’t a Ross and a Ward?”

  She smiles at that, and it makes my heart speed up at the sight. “Everything.” She pats my shoulder when she pulls free of me. But her chin is held high, and there’s a sparkle in her eyes when she says, “We would do everything, Sawyer.”

  “Piper! Come on.” We’re both snapped out of our conversation at the voice of her older sister, Paisley. “We’re late.”

  Paisley is in the class above us and is nowhere near as cool as Piper. Piper turns to me, looking like she’s sorry. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

  I nod my head just as my older brother Cole finds me, placing a hand on my shoulder. “French. Come on.”

  Dang.

  I watch Piper climb into her town car, complete with the driver who picks her sister and her up from school every day before Cole and I climb into our car.

  Samantha has a car of her own, and Spence is in college, so it’s only Cole and me riding to our house where our French tutor is probably already waiting.

  I look out the window, wishing I could be like the kids I see playing in the park we drive past.

  Wishing I wasn’t a Ross.

  “Swearer! Catch me!” Baz soars through the air and jumps into my arms as I walk through the gate to their backyard.

  “Oomph!” I catch him and laugh, “You’re getting huge, little man.”

  He giggles at that and then runs off as Asher walks to me, laughing, and hands me a beer. “He’s tough.”

  Ash watches Baz with admiration as he plays on his swing set, hopping all around. “Yeah, I don’t know how the hell he has so much energy.”

  “I think he feeds off ours,” Viv says as Ash and I join her at the patio table.

  “You’re probably right about that.” I take a seat and look at the food they’ve spread out over the table. Grilled chicken and salad. It smells fucking good, and I’m glad I accepted their dinner invite.

  Baz is now running around in circles in the yard while Viv tries her best to get him to come sit down to eat.

  “He’ll come when he’s hungry,” Ash says as he grabs her hand, encouraging her to take the seat next to him.

  You’d think this would be awkward as hell, considering our past, but it isn’t. Viv was always Asher’s, and I’m just happy to be here now. “So, how was my version of hell today, Ash?”

  He rolls his eyes and takes a drink of his beer. “You’re so fucking dramatic. It’s kindergarten. Not hell.”

  I laugh because I still can’t believe my best friend—a Sterling—is a kindergarten teacher. But the truth is that he’s happy. Viv smiles and leans a little closer to him. “Yeah, Mr. Sterling. How was today?”

  He shifts slightly in his seat, and I’m guessing this is a game they like to play. “I really don’t need to know what kinks you guys are into.” Asher’s eyes flash with a playful warning as I smirk into my beer, unable to resist. “I mean, unless you’re going to let me play too.”

  “Fuck you,” Ash says with absolutely no conviction. “Kindergarten was great today, thanks. How was the corporate grind with Linc?”

  “Fan-fucking-tastic.”

  Viv gives me a warning look as Baz finally tires himself out and plops down in the chair between Ash and me. “Baz is here now, Swearer. Watch your mouth.”

  I almost make a quip about how she used to like my dirty mouth but think better of it since I don’t feel like getting my ass kicked today.

  Baz tugs on my arm, and I give him my full attention. “Swearer, I don’t like salad. It’s just leaves.”

  I crack a smile and shrug. “You’re right.”

  “No, he isn’t.” Viv shakes her head as she shovels salad on Baz’s plate. “It’s good for you. You want to grow up big and strong, right?”

  Baz looks at me and then at Ash, shrugs his little shoulders and then eats his salad. I notice Viv is drinking water and recall she also did the last time we had dinner. “
You off wine, Viv?” I ask coyly.

  Baz, with a mouth full of food, speaks up, “Mommy has a baby in her tummy. I’m going to be a big brother.”

  I saw it coming. They’ve been married for a year, and why wouldn’t they want another Baz? Asher sighs and shakes his head. “We also said it was still a secret.”

  “Oh no,” I lean across the table toward Viv. “Is it a secret because Ash knows he’s not the father? Did you tell him about us?”

  Asher flips me off and Baz points. “Um! That’s the bad finger!”

  Viv shakes her head, but she can’t hide her smile. “You are such an as—” She looks at Baz. “Jerk.”

  Baz was ready to call her out but loses his excitement and goes back to his food. I shouldn’t give them shit about that since technically Baz isn’t Asher’s kid. Baz is the result of a drunken night between Vivienne and Asher’s older brother Colt. Colt died before he ever got to meet his son. Asher wanted to help Viv out, but then the poor fucker when and fell in love.

  Still, Asher is the only father Baz has ever known, and he’s a damn good one.

  “Congrats, you guys. That’s really great.”