Restorations Read online

  Restorations

  nicole dykes

  Contents

  Playlist

  1. Vivienne

  2. Asher

  3. Vivienne

  4. Asher

  5. Vivienne

  6. Asher

  7. Asher

  8. Vivienne

  9. Asher

  10. Vivienne

  11. Asher

  12. Vivienne

  13. Vivienne

  14. Asher

  15. Vivienne

  16. Asher

  17. Vivienne

  18. Asher

  19. Vivienne

  20. Asher

  21. Vivienne

  22. Asher

  23. Vivienne

  24. Asher

  25. Vivienne

  26. Asher

  27. Asher

  28. Vivienne

  29. Asher

  30. Vivienne

  31. Asher

  32. Vivienne

  33. Asher

  34. Vivienne

  35. Asher

  36. Vivienne

  37. Vivienne

  38. Asher

  39. Asher

  40. Vivienne

  41. Asher

  42. Vivienne

  43. Asher

  Epilogue

  Note from the Author

  Sample of Redemption by Nicole Dykes

  Forever

  Lewis Capaldi

  Is That Alright?

  Lady Gaga

  I Feel Like I’m Drowning

  Two Feet

  Grace

  Lewis Capaldi

  These Days

  Highly Suspect

  Monsters (feat. blackbear)

  All Time Low

  Happier

  Ed Sheeran

  In My Place

  Coldplay

  Time To Go

  Dean Lewis

  Maybe I’m Amazed

  Jem

  Send My Love (To Your New Lover)

  Adele

  Stand By Me

  Florence + The Machine

  Almost Lover

  A Fine Frenzy

  Never Say Never

  The Fray

  You Are The Reason

  Calum Scott

  Coming Home – Part II

  Skylar Grey

  Stiches

  Shawn Mendes

  I don’t own the rights to any of these songs. I just listened to them as I wrote and thought you might enjoy!

  “Sawyer?”

  His brown eyes look down as I rest on his chest. “Forget who you’re in bed with?”

  I roll my eyes, looking up at him. His sexy smirk is playful. “No.” I trace the tattoo over his hardened pectoral muscle. It’s a gothic letter “P” right over his heart. I haven’t asked him about it. It’s none of my business. “But good thing you’re marked, or I might have.”

  He chuckles beneath me. Everything is easy with him. No drama. Sex and conversation. Baz loves him. It’s been nice.

  Although, before I moved here, we were thinking about starting a relationship, but that really hasn’t happened. We’ve pretty much had a friends with benefits arrangement and a true one.

  Both of us are too afraid of a real relationship, and I'm not sure whether either of us even wants one. Not at this point anyway.

  “Last night was fun,” I say, grinning up at him, totally satisfied.

  “Yeah, it was. I fucking needed that. Lincoln is a real pain in the ass.”

  I laugh at that. I still can’t believe he works for Asher’s older brother. “Why do you work for him again?”

  His large shoulders shrug. “He’s the best. I should work for the best.”

  “So cocky.”

  And of course, he grabs his junk under my thigh. “You know it.”

  I do. “You have plans today? Baz is on summer break. We could take him to the zoo.”

  “Fuck. I’d much rather do that, but I have a meeting with Linc,” he grimaces, “that I'm already late for.”

  “Better hurry.”

  He looks at me with a hungry gaze, his hand gripping my chin and pulling me forward for a possessive kiss, leaving me wanting more. “Tomorrow?”

  I nod and stand up, tugging on shorts and a tank top to walk him out. “Sounds good.”

  He gets dressed, and I try to smooth down his messy bedhead hair, but it’s no use. His sandy blond hair needs to be washed to be rid of the haphazardness caused by our romp. I walk out of my bedroom that is thankfully down the hall from Baz’s room. He had his pick of rooms, and that’s the one he wanted.

  Lola’s room is upstairs along with an office. And there’s another guest room next to mine. Baz is at Nora’s still, and the house is quiet as we walk toward the front door. But just as we pass the guest room next to mine, the door flings open.

  I gasp when I see a shirtless Asher standing in the doorway, wearing only a pair of black sweats, staring at us with bored eyes. “Could you two be any fucking louder?”

  I gape at him. His graduation was yesterday, but he wouldn’t let any of his family attend or even tell them whether he would be there, and now he’s here? I fold my arms over my chest and smile when I feel Sawyer’s hand on my back. “How long are you staying this time, Asher?”

  His lips quirk into a hateful smile that sends shivers down my entire body. “Lola didn’t tell you?” I stare at him, trying not to give him the reaction he wants. “I’m your new roommate.”

  I stare at him in shock, my heart thundering in my chest.

  He has got to be kidding. Lola would never do that to me.

  He must be messing with me. It wasn’t that long ago that Lola and I talked about this being Baz’s and my home. That she wanted us to stay here. He has to be trying to provoke a response from me. “Is that so?”

  I’m met with an amused, hateful grin and cold eyes. “It is. Talked to Lola last night.” His eyes roam to Sawyer, who’s standing behind me. Asher rubs the scruff of his chin with one hand, the cocky smirk still on his handsome face. “Sawyer. Still just a one-minute man, huh?”

  “I thought we were too loud for you?” Sawyer growls, clearly not happy to see Asher either.

  “Yeah for that one minute, it was fucking loud.”

  I push my hand against Sawyer’s chest when I feel him begin to push forward with yet another growl. I roll my eyes and look over my shoulder at him. Sawyer is so laid-back, it’s weird to see this side of him. “We both know that’s bullshit. He’s trying to get to you.”

  “And it worked.”

  I turn back to Asher when he taunts Sawyer, my gaze angry. “Is this your plan? Move in and torture me? Sawyer?”

  “Does he live here now too?” He’s fucking with me.

  “Why don’t you be a man and get your own damn place? Huh?” The tension coming from behind me is too much. I hate that their friendship is ruined. Sawyer tried to talk to him after our first date, but Asher wasn’t having it.

  Now Sawyer is just as pissed-off.

  I turn completely around to Sawyer. “Don’t. I don’t want an all-out brawl in Lola’s house. Please.”

  Thankfully, Sawyer respects me enough to not push it any further, but he does wrap a possessive hand around my hip and pull my body into his for a kiss I’m sure is more about marking his territory in front of Asher than giving me a kiss goodbye.

  I roll my eyes and shake my head when his lips leave mine, but he just smiles in a way that makes me smile back. It can’t be easy for him to see Asher here. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

  I nod my head decisively. “Yes

  He lets himself out, and I face Asher, my arms folded over my chest in a defensive pose, ready for what he’s about to throw at me.

  I know I didn’t leave him the
best way I could have. I left in a hurry and hurt him badly. He hasn’t really said much to me over the past year other than “Baz there?” So I’m nervous. “Were you lying about moving in?”

  Please say yes. Surely, he was saying that for Sawyer’s benefit.

  He leans in close. My senses are instantly flooded with memories of him, his full lips leaving me in a trance as he speaks, “I’m your new roommate. Deal with it.”

  That’s all he says before brushing past me and walking down the hall. This cannot be happening.

  I don’t waste any time and walk up the stairs to Lola’s room. The door is cracked open, and I don’t bother knocking. I push it open and am greeted with Hayden’s bare, tan ass as he leans over and gives Lola a kiss.

  I shield my eyes and look away, giving the happy couple a little privacy.

  Okay, I should have knocked. Although, Hayden does have a nice ass.

  It’s not something I needed to see. I think Lola is wearing clothes though, so I don’t believe I interrupted anything too graphic.

  “I’m sorry, but I need to talk to you.”

  My heart is still thundering in my chest when I hear Lola’s nervous laugh and then Hayden’s deep voice. “I’m going to go make some coffee. Good luck.”

  “Chicken,” Lola teases and the bed rustles before Hayden walks by me, now in a pair of black joggers.

  I cautiously turn back toward Lola, who is dressed in a silk nightie. “Lola . . .”

  “I’m sorry, Viv. So sorry.” She does seem remorseful, but I’m not sure if that’s a good thing or not. It means Asher did talk to her.

  “He’s moving in?”

  She climbs to the edge of the bed and grabs a robe off the floor, tugging it on and staying seated. “I don’t know.” She sounds defeated. “Viv, he needs us.”

  I know he’s withdrawn from his family even more since I moved here, and things weren’t great before. And I know they’re worried. “Lola, he’s your brother. I can’t tell you not to let him move into your house. I just . . .”

  She climbs off the bed and comes to stand before me. “No. This is your house too.”

  It’s not. It’s hers, but she seems so damn set on this being my home too. Part of me worries she’s just too good to me. “I can’t stay here with him. He wants to punish me.”

  “You should have seen him last night, Viv. He asked for help. Asher never asks for help.”

  And she should help him. They’ve all been through hell. “I know that’s a big step. And you should help him.”

  I force a smile, not really ready to move out. “Viv, he wants Baz under the same roof as him. I think he needs it.”

  My chest aches, thinking about the way he hugged Baz the day I told him we were moving. And the way Baz clung to him. I have nightmares about that day. “Do you really think things have changed that much in a year? We’re still toxic around each other.”

  Lola is firm in her conviction as she takes my hand and looks me in the eye. “This is your home, and you feeling safe here is my number one priority. But I swear to you, I think this will be good. I never should have meddled in the first place.”

  I cock a suspicious eyebrow. “You didn’t plan this, did you?”

  She shakes her head adamantly. “No. I swear to you. He just showed up last night looking beat to hell and defeated.” Tears spring to her eyes, and it breaks my heart. “Colt . . .” His name is still hard for her to say out loud, but at least she can do it now. “He was drowning on land long before he died, and I was too self-involved to see it. Asher is here and begging for a lifeline. I can’t let him drown.”

  He seemed perfectly fine downstairs, but I don’t say that to her. I know he’s hurting, but I’m afraid the only way for Asher to make himself feel any better is to lash out at me. “Okay.”

  It’s weak, and she grabs my other hand. “I will, however, threaten him with bodily harm if he torments you.”

  I laugh a little at that because I know she will. She is the best big sister I've ever known. “I feel awful about the way I left him, but I won’t take his abuse either.”

  “You did what you had to do. And maybe I put too much pressure on you to do it, but you’re strong, Viv. You had every right to get out of a bad situation.”

  “He’s so angry.” My voice is a low whisper, and I know it’s dripping with fear. I don’t feel strong right now.

  Asher has a crazy hold over me. Even this morning, I felt it, a gripping addiction to his torment, pleasure, and the heaven and hell he brings.

  “Give him a chance. Please.”

  I nod. “For Baz and for you. I will.”

  She smiles and pulls me into a hug. “Thank you. So much.”

  Her voice is shaky, and I know she’s relieved I agreed to this, but I can’t help feel a sense of dread.

  This is a very bad idea.

  I’m about to grab breakfast when the doorbell rings. I look through the patio door where Hayden is standing as he talks on the phone. He said a quick hello before his phone rang, and that’s where he’s been since Viv headed up to bitch at Lola for letting me move in.

  I know my sister. She'll talk Viv into giving it a chance. I’m not worried.

  Viv.

  Fuck her. And her being annoyed or uncomfortable with me here. I gave her a year. She’s a big girl, and she can fucking deal with it.

  I’ve never felt more pain than the day she took Baz and left me with nothing and no one. She knew that kid was everything to me. And okay, I shouldn’t have fucked her when I knew, without a doubt, she couldn’t handle the whole no feelings thing, but she told me she could.

  She convinced me. Over and over. With her bullshit games of seduction.

  And now, I fucking hate her.

  I stayed in her house out of convenience and not wanting to find a place to stay until I graduated from college. But the plan was always to follow.

  I may hate his mother, but I love Baz with every last bit of humanity I have in me.

  And then, I had to listen to Viv and Sawyer fucking in the room next to me all night. If that isn’t life fucking me without lube yet again, I'm not sure what is. Her moans floated through the thin fucking walls, and it made me sick.

  I can’t believe they’re still together. I have no idea what his angle is, and I know she doesn’t love him. But I don’t fucking care. They can have each other.

  Fuck ’em both.

  I go to the front door and tug it open. I’m greeted instantly with Sebastian’s shocked gaze, and then I’m attacked by his little arms. I kneel down just in time for him to wrap me in a bear hug. “Uncle Asher! You’re here!”

  Man, I missed this kid. “I am!” I hug him tightly, not wanting to let him go even though I know I'm staying. “How are you?”

  “Good! I stayed with Grandma last night.”

  I give my mom, who’s standing behind him, a small smile and then pull Baz back slightly to look at him. I swear he’s grown in the last couple of months. “That’s great.”

  He nods exuberantly. “She made chocolate chip cookies.”

  I grin and stand up, ruffling his hair, my eyes drifting to my mother. “She makes good cookies.”

  My mom wraps her arms around me, and I tense even though I don’t mean to. I know she tried to be a good mom, and maybe she was. But there are some things I still struggle to forgive her for. “Asher, how long are you staying, sweetie?”

  I take a step back. “I moved here, Mom. Lola’s letting me stay here for a bit, but I'm not going anywhere.”

  Baz’s eyes light up. “You live in California?”

  The way he says California is fucking adorable, sounding out each syllable. I smile down at him. “Yup. I sure do. It cool if I move in with you for a bit? Guess I should have asked you first.”

  He pretends to think it over, bringing his little finger to his chin. God, he’s fucking cute. “I think that will be okay.”

  I laugh and mess his hair again with my hand, so glad to see him.

>   “You moved here?” My mom sounds shocked but pleasantly surprised. “That’s wonderful. Why didn’t you tell me?”

  I shrug my shoulders, always going back into teenager mode when it comes to her. “I didn’t want anyone thinking they needed to help me move. I had it covered.”

  Not that I had a lot of shit, but I do have boxes being shipped here that should arrive tomorrow. Mom does what she does best and puts on a brave smile. “That’s great, sweetheart.”

  It kills me that I know she wants to be closer to me, but I can’t seem to let her in. I love her, but I’m stuck in this dark place I don’t really want to escape from. Everyone has just moved on. Mom remarried. Penelope and Linc are married. Lola is happy with Hayden, who I don’t actually hate. They’re all so damn happy, and it’s as if Colt never even existed.

  Mom, Baz, and I move to the living room. Mom and I sit on the couch, and Baz runs around like a wild man. “I swear I made him a healthy, non-sugary breakfast.” Mom watches him and smiles.

  I grin as he runs laps around the living room. “He’s just built to run.”

  She has a reminiscent look on her face. “He’s so much like you.”