Restrained Read online

  Restrained

  nicole dykes

  Copyright © 2020 by nicole dykes

  All rights reserved.

  No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means, including information storage and retrieval systems, without written permission from the author, except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.

  Created with Vellum

  Contents

  Playlist

  1. Lola

  2. Lola

  3. Lola

  4. Hayden

  5. Lola

  6. Lola

  7. Hayden

  8. Lola

  9. Hayden

  10. Lola

  11. Hayden

  12. Lola

  13. Hayden

  14. Lola

  15. Lola

  16. Hayden

  17. Lola

  18. Hayden

  19. Lola

  20. Hayden

  21. Lola

  22. Lola

  23. Hayden

  24. Lola

  25. Hayden

  26. Lola

  27. Lola

  28. Hayden

  29. Lola

  30. Lola

  31. Hayden

  32. Lola

  33. Hayden

  34. Lola

  35. Hayden

  36. Lola

  37. Hayden

  38. Lola

  39. Lola

  40. Lola

  41. Hayden

  42. Lola

  Note from the Author

  Sneak Peek

  “Broken”

  Roses & Revolutions

  “Do I Wanna Know?”

  Artic Monkeys

  “Come with Me Now”

  Kongos

  “1950”

  King Princess

  “Praying”

  Kesha

  “Always”

  Blink-182

  “Before You Go”

  Lewis Capaldi

  “Conversations in the Dark”

  John Legend

  “Hurts 2B Human”

  Pink

  “Sugar”

  Maroon 5

  “Name”

  The Goo Goo Dolls

  “Ho Hey”

  The Lumineers

  ***I don’t have the rights to these songs, I just listened to them when I wrote the book and feel like they go with the story.

  “Viv?” I walk out my sliding glass door onto the patio. Vivienne sits in one of the outdoor chairs, her legs tucked under her with a teal coffee mug clutched in her hands as she looks out at the glorious view.

  Everything about my patio was meticulously planned. The white cushions and bright blue and yellow accent pillows give off a beachy vibe that compliments the surrounding white sand and ocean literally a stone’s throw away from the underground pool with sparkling blue water.

  The blue on the pillows matches the water and the yellow matches the sun. All perfect for my new life in California. The white signifies a fresh start, the one I desperately needed.

  But the way Vivienne watches the water and the ache I see deep in her soul tells me I'm not anywhere clear from the chaos stemming from my bloodline.

  She turns her head slightly to look at me, still holding her coffee in both hands. “Good morning.” I can tell she’s trying to force a smile but fails as she looks back out over the horizon.

  “Good morning. Did you sleep okay?” I inch closer to her, already knowing her answer.

  It wasn’t easy for her to leave my brother Asher back in Kansas, and I can see how much she misses him. Although the plan was for her to be on a plane flying out here yesterday, I was still shocked when I opened the door and she was there with her son, my nephew Sebastian. A large part of me didn’t think she would do it.

  I’m glad she’s here though even if I know it’s killing my little brother. I have to believe it was for the best to offer her a place to stay here at my house in California and a job with my other brother’s girl, Penelope and me.

  What started as a friendship between Vivienne and Asher had quickly become toxic, and it wasn’t good for anyone involved. I promised myself I would be vigilant and keep a watchful eye on my siblings, so I stepped in.

  “Not really.” I’m surprised she answers honestly, and from the puffiness of her eyes, it’s apparent she likely spent the night crying.

  “He’ll be okay. I know he’s angry now.”

  “He hates me.” There’s an eerie distance in her gaze as she stares out over the ocean.

  I take a seat next to her, crossing my ankles and smoothing down my white knee-length skirt. “He doesn’t. He’s angry, but he doesn’t hate you.”

  Her eyes meet mine. “You didn’t see him. He loves Baz more than anyone, and I took him away.”

  I place a hand on her shoulder, trying my best to offer her comfort even if I know little about the ache she’s feeling. I do, however, know plenty about guilt. “You did what you had to. For you and your son. And Asher.”

  “He’ll never forgive me, Lola.”

  I wish I had more to offer her, but I know my brother. He’s immature and angry. He’ll more than likely be a total prick about her leaving. “He will. He needs time.”

  She takes a drink from her mug, her eyes meeting mine. “Are you really sure it’s okay for us to stay with you? I don’t want to put a strain on your relationship with Asher.”

  My heart squeezes at the thought. “It’s already strained.”

  That’s putting it mildly. I had three brothers. Three younger brothers. And I failed them all in one way or another, but most of all, I failed Asher. “I don’t want to make it worse. He won’t be happy you’re letting us stay.”

  “I haven’t been a good sister—”

  “You’re the best sister anyone could ask for,” she quickly cuts me off, and I smile at her, dropping my hand from her shoulder and shaking my head.

  “No. I haven’t, Vivienne. I let them all down. I was preoccupied by my own thing, always worried about achieving my goals.”

  “There’s nothing wrong with that.”

  I take a deep breath and look out at the water. I thought living close to the ocean would somehow be different than living on the lake like my brother Linc did, but I still hate the water and can’t seem to bring myself to go in.

  “There is. I was their big sister. And I let them all down.”

  She shakes her head, and I can feel her studying my face as I look at the turbulent water. “How?”

  “After . . .” I swallow the disgusting feeling deep inside and hate that I still can’t seem to say my brother Colt’s name out loud. “After the accident, I let Asher down. I let Linc down. I couldn’t look at either of them. I couldn’t be near anyone I was related to. It hurt too bad.”

  Now it’s her turn to comfort me. She puts her coffee down and wraps her small arm around my shoulders. “Everyone handles grief differently.”

  I close my eyes, the agony slicing through my heart thinking about the night I found out Colt was dead, when he drowned in the lake. He had been at a party on a boat and was drinking, and he fell overboard. He hated the water, but he had been spinning out of control for a while, drowning while he was alive. And I couldn’t save him.

  I didn’t even try.

  “I let them down. Linc and Penelope, they were at war, punishing each other. And I let them, even knowing how toxic they had become. And Asher . . .” I feel the sick feeling again, thinking about my youngest brother still living at home while my mother was racked with guilt and unable to function. “I should have stepped in and been there for him. But I didn’t.”

  Her eyes squeeze shut. I’m certain they’ve talked about that time, but I can’t bear to hear th
e details of the hell he went through. “He loves you.”

  I smile. “When I realized how bad things had gotten with Linc and Penelope, I stepped in and I promised myself I would never again let my siblings suffer in silence. That I would be there for them. Asher may hate me momentarily, but he’ll thank me later. You guys needed some space.”

  The pained expression on her face tells me my instincts were right. “You’re their sister. It’s not your job to rescue them.”

  I lean my face against hers. “You’re my nephew’s mom. To me that makes you more than just my friend. That makes you my sister.” I smile and pull back enough to look into her eyes. “And I'm going to do my damnedest to be a good sister from now on.”

  Her lips lift in a small smile that still screams of sadness, but maybe also a glimmer of joy. “You are very good, Lola.”

  “Stay as long as you want. It’s nice having people in this big house.”

  “If you’re sure.”

  I nod decisively. “Very.” I smile as Sebastian, or Baz as we call him, slides open the door and runs outside in his Spiderman pajamas with his brown hair all mussed from sleep. “Mommy!”

  He jumps onto her lap, and she uses the hand that was around my shoulders to catch him. “Good morning.”

  He laughs, and the laugh sends happiness and grief soaring through me. It’s just like his father’s.

  Colt.

  “I’m hungry!”

  I laugh. He’s always right to business, that one. Barely four and already a force in this world.

  “I bought some stuff yesterday, but I'm going to be honest,” I meet Viv’s eyes, “I don’t know much about tiny humans. So if there’s anything else he would like to eat, please let me know.”

  She smiles and holds him close to her. “I’m sure I can find a store.” She shrugs. “After I buy a car that is, which is on my list for the day.”

  I nod. We’re a lot alike. We both always have a plan. “Sounds good, but I don’t mind. I have a meeting I need to get to and some other work to attend to, but I’ll be home for dinner.” I stand up, straightening my skirt. “I’ll order something when I get home.”

  “Or maybe I can cook, depending on what’s in the fridge.”

  I stare at her, impressed. “You cook?”

  She laughs and stands with Baz in her arms, his body nearly overtaking her small frame. “I’m trying.”

  “We’ll get along just fine then. I’ll see you this evening. Call if you need anything at all.”

  She nods, and I give Baz a hug and a kiss before I leave them in my home, one that they can call their own.

  I know she misses Asher. I know he misses her.

  When I intervened with Penelope and Lincoln, my hope was they would take the time apart to grow and then come back together stronger. And they did. Their love is fierce, and it’s a healthy, hearty love now.

  When it came to Asher and Vivienne though, the thought of them together terrifies the living hell out of me. I was relieved Vivienne took me up on my offer and moved out here to live with me in California, fleeing from the situation with Asher that had grown dark and bitter.

  And I only hope I can give them both the strength to stay far away from one another forever.

  I’m late. I despise being late, but my talk with Vivienne this morning put me a bit behind, and then the traffic this morning was brutal.

  It’s hot today as I climb from behind the wheel of my sleek black car. The sun beats down on my bare shoulders, the thin strap of my black top not covering them much. I smooth down my tight, white skirt and slide my black sunglasses up from my eyes to rest on top of my head, grabbing my black purse and swinging it over my shoulder. My black heels click on the pavement as I lock my car and yank open the front door to the coffee shop.

  Apparently, Mr. West doesn’t have an actual office. Not very promising.

  I wish Penelope was here. I prefer to meet new clients together, but she has a separate meeting this morning. Another reason I'm glad Vivienne is here—she plans to start working with us at our interior design business.

  I look around the crowded café, unsure how I'm supposed to know who I'm meeting considering he’s a new client. I decide to put in my coffee order, and as soon as I'm finished paying, I see a shadow approaching out of the corner of my eye and turn to face the figure.

  I nearly gasp as the man’s masculine, clean scent overwhelms me at the same time his brooding, good looks nearly steals the air from my lungs. His dark hair is styled perfectly, not one hair out of place. His jawline is all sharp angles, his dark eyes are intense and his lips form a disappointed line. He is, without a doubt, the most beautiful man I've ever seen. He’s wearing a black suit with a crisp white shirt underneath and a tie. His shoes shine, not a speck of dirt on them. I notice his suit barely fits his large, overwhelming frame as he towers over me, and I can’t stop staring at him like a mindless idiot.

  “Lola,” he says my name in a deep, stern tone as if he already knows me.

  “Mr. West?”

  “Hayden.”

  I nod stupidly, awe struck by his brutish beauty. I curve an arm around my waist nervously, feeling underdressed even in a skirt and camisole. “Right.” I hold out my right hand, trying to steady it as my other arm remains around my waist. “Lola Sterling.”

  He doesn’t shake my hand. He seems annoyed as his eyes slowly scan my body, and I really wish I’d opted to wear a blazer, but it’s June in California, for Christ’s sake, and we’re meeting for coffee. “You’re late.”

  “I apologize. Traffic was rough this morning.” I try my best to remain professional and add a smile, not too toothy but enough to show my regret for making him wait.

  “You’ve lived here for how long?”

  I quirk an eyebrow as I study him, wondering where he’s going with this. His question is not friendly, causing me to answer cautiously. “Around three years.”

  “So, you are aware of the traffic at this time of day.”

  It’s not a question, and I can’t believe his bluntness. “I am.”

  He sneers, not bothering to hide his annoyance. “And I was told you had a partner.”

  The barista hands me my coffee. I thank her, dropping my hand from around my stomach to hold my cup, facing the gorgeous, infuriating dick in front of me. I’ve been around men like him my entire life.

  Rich. Entitled. Spoiled. He’s no doubt had everything handed to him his entire life and expects everyone to kneel before him.

  He has no idea who he’s messing with.

  “Penelope had a prior engagement, but I'm more than capable of sitting down with you to decide if we can help you out.”

  His eyes flicker with frustration as he blows out an annoyed breath. “Fine.” He gestures for me to take a seat, and although I'm irritated, I’m not in the position to be turning down any opportunities at the moment.

  I move through the tables and find one in the back, taking a seat. I place my bag on the side of the chair as the handsome and insanely rude stranger unbuttons two buttons on his jacket and takes a seat in front of me.

  “So, Mr. West. What kind of service are you looking for? Will it be your home or your office we will be assisting you with?”

  “Neither.”

  Of course, he’ll be difficult. “Alright, so what can we help you with?”

  “I own several hotels and have recently acquired three more. I’m looking for a decorator who’s efficient and can breathe fresh air into them.”

  “Hotels?” I lift a curious eyebrow. “I’m not sure we can do that.”

  “Why not? You’re an interior decorator. I need the interior of my hotels to be laid out in a new, stylish way that will attract the elite.”

  “And your other hotels?”

  “Are typical. Nice. Luxurious but not exactly what I’m thinking for these three. They’ll be something different.”

  My tongue darts out to wet my dry lips, and I watch his eyes track the movement as I clear my throat,
his heated gaze making me flush. “What will make these different?”

  He straightens his back in the chair, his chin lifted and his eyes locked on mine. “You.”

  His intensity makes it hard for me to breathe, and I remind myself to be professional. He’s a prick. That much is apparent, but there’s also an attraction crackling in the air between us, one I'm not used to. One that feels dangerous. I swallow, trying to fight how dry my throat has become. “And how can I do that? I’ve never worked for a hotel chain before.”

  “It’s not a chain, first of all.” His hand lays flat on the table between our bodies, and I find myself doing a once-over of his large hand with trimmed fingernails and tanned skin. Absolutely perfect like the rest of him except for one pink scar running diagonally from his thumb to his pinkie. “Second of all . . .” My eyes move back to his face which I would expect to be clean-shaven to match the rest of him, but he has fine stubble covering his cheeks and chin only adding to his appeal. “The hotels only have fifty rooms each. I intend for them to be the epitome of luxury.”

  I fight the urge to roll my eyes. When he said elite, he really meant it. Only those with high means will be staying there. More benefits to the rich. “Luxury.”